Mistakes in conversations

Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation?

by Henrik Edberg.

Can you improve your conversation skills? Certainly.

It might take a while to change the conversation habits that’s been ingrained throughout your life, but it is very possible.

To not make this article longer than necessary let’s just skip right to some common mistakes many of us have made in conversations. And a couple of solutions.

Not listening
Ernest Hemingway once said:

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold. Learn to really listen to what people actually are saying.

When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation. But avoid yes or no type of questions as they will not give you much information. If someone mentions that they went fishing with a couple of friends last weekend you can for instance ask:

* Where did you go fishing?
* What do you like most about fishing?
* What did you do there besides fishing?

The person will delve deeper into the subject giving you more information to work with and more paths for you choose from.

If they say something like: “Oh, I don’t know” at first, don’t give up. Prod a little further. Ask again. They do know, they just have to think about a bit more. And as they start to open up the conversation becomes more interesting because it’s not on auto-pilot anymore.

Asking too many questions
If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Continuing the conversation above you could skip the question and say:

* Yeah, it’s great to just get out with your friends and relax over the weekend. We like to take a six-pack out to the park and play some Frisbee golf.
* Nice. We went out in my friend’s boat last month and I tried these new lures from Sakamura. The blue ones were really great.

And then the conversation can flow on from there. And you can discuss Frisbee golf, the advantages/disadvantages of different lures or your favourite beer.

Tightening up
When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous not knowing exactly why.

* Leil Lowndes once said: “Never leave home without reading the newspaper.” If you’re running out of things to say, you can always start talking about the current news. It’s also good to stay updated on current water cooler-topics. Like what happened on the latest episode of Lost.
* Comment on the aquarium at the party, or that one girl’s cool Halloween-costume or the host’s mp3-playlist. You can always start new conversations about something in your surroundings.
* Assume rapport. If you feel nervous or weird when meeting someone for the first time assume rapport. What that means is that you imagine how you feel when you meet one of your best friends. And pretend that this new acquaintance is one of your best friends. Don’t overdo it though, you might not want to hug and kiss right away. But if you imagine this you’ll go into a positive emotional state. And you’ll greet and start talking to this new person with a smile and a friendly and relaxed attitude. Because that’s how you talk to your friends. It might sound a bit loopy or too simple. But it really works.

Poor delivery
One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:

* Slowing down. When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try and slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them.
* Speaking up. Don’t be afraid to talk as loud as you need to for people to hear you.
* Speaking clearly. Don’t mumble.
* Speak with emotion. No one listens for that long if you speak with a monotone voice. Let your feelings be reflected in your voice.
* Using pauses. Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying. Listen to one of Brian Tracys cds or Steve Pavlina’s podcasts. Listen to how using small pauses makes what they are saying seem even more interesting.
* Learn a bit about improving your body language as it can make your delivery a lot more effective. Read about laughter, posture and how to hold your drink in 18 ways to improve your body language.

Hogging the spot-light
I’ve been guilty of this one on more occasions than I wish to remember. :) Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself. Don’t hijack their story about skiing before it’s finished to share your best skiing-anecdote. Find a balance between listening and talking.

Having to be right
Avoid arguing and having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion. It’s a more of a way to keep a good mood going. No one will be that impressed if you “win” every conversation. Instead just sit back, relax and help keep the good feelings going.

Talking about a weird or negative topic
If you’re at a party or somewhere were you are just getting to know some people you might want to avoid some topics. Talking about your bad health or relationships, your crappy job or boss, serial killers, technical lingo that only you and some other guy understands or anything that sucks the positive energy out of the conversation are topics to steer clear from. You might also want to save religion and politics for conversations with your friends.

Being boring
Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you where buying clothes, your plans for New Years Eve or something funny or exciting.

Another way is just to be genuinely interested. As Dale Carnegie said:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.”

Knowing a little about many things or at least being open to talk about them instead of trying to steer the conversation back to your favourite subject is a nice quality.

Meaning: talking for what seems like hours about one topic. Topics may include work, favourite rock-band, TV-show and more work.

Opening up a bit and not clinging desperately to one topic will make the conversation feel more relaxed and open. You will come across like a person who can talk about many things with ease. As you’ve probably experienced with other people; this quality is something you appreciate in a conversation and makes you feel like you can connect to that person easily.

Not reciprocating
Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too.

Like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation. One way is by replacing some questions with statements. It makes you less passive and makes take a sort of stand.

Not contributing much
You might feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation. But try anyway. Really listen and be interested in what the others are saying. Ask questions. Make relating statements.

Open your eyes too. Develop your observational skills to pick up interesting stuff in your surroundings to talk about. Develop your personal knowledge-bank by expanding your view of interesting things in the world. Read the newspapers and keep an eye on new water cooler-topics.

Work on your body language, how you talk and try assuming rapport to improve your communication skills.

But take it easy. Don’t do it all at once. You’ll just feel confused and overwhelmed. Instead, pick out the three most important things that you feel needs improving. Work on them every day for 3-4 weeks. Notice the difference and keep at it. Soon your new habits will start to pop up spontaneously when you are in a conversation.

Source : http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2006/11/05/do-you-make-these-10-mistakes-in-a-conversation/

The True Meaning of Independence

The True Meaning of Independence

By J.R. Turner

Independence means the freedom to separate ourselves from personal ideologies and intellectually challenge ourselves to see the full scope of an issue in order to find real solutions for the good of the whole.

Independence means we must not depend on the opinions of others, but on the factual issues and actions of individuals and our governments.

Independence means choosing to empower ourselves with the information to independently make up our own minds.

Independence means creating a world society in which we can perceive nations through a satellite view, rather than a microscopic view, and make value judgments based on what's good for the future, rather than the present.

Independence means we have the freedom to pursue personal needs while choosing global motivations, and face the consequences of those actions, both wonderful and tragic, with the intent to learn, grow, and gain wisdom.

True independence means recognizing that every type of thought and belief system has something to teach, to offer, and that if we learn from those in our world, our chances of creating real change for the betterment of all increases exponentially.

Wisdom demands we further our own independence by freeing ourselves from the prison of personal experience by embracing realities other than our own and thereby freeing ourselves from the shackles of ignorance.


J.R. Turner is the author of the award-winning novel, “My Biker Bodyguard" and the Knight Inc. adventure series. Visit http://www.jennifer-turner.com to find out more.

Get yourself motivated

Wish we could all stay motivated forever - but we all know that that is not possible. There are however steps you can take to get yourself back into groove sooner rather than staying low for long periods of time. Here are my top ten ways to get yourself motivated:

1. Motivation Books: This is my number one tip. Books written by experts are full of tips and strategies to motivate you. True motivational stories are inspirational.

2. Motivational Music: Music can always do wonders to your mood - Buy good motivating CDs, MP3s or download from iTunes. You can just let It play in the background and continue doing your work. I like to listen to positive music - irrespective of whether or not I need a dose of motivation.

3. Audio Books: These again can be played in the background - does not require too much of your involvement (like books). Listening to interview podcasts with successful people is another effective method.

4. Take a Walk: Sometimes just getting away from your work and taking a walk can be very effective. It refreshes your mind and helps you get clarity on issues at hand.

5. Motivational Quotes: Just a few well written quotes can do wonders to your mood. This is why desktop calendars with good quotes are so popular. Reading a quote at the start of the day can help you start your day on a positive note.

6. Past Successes: Remember your past successes. Remind yourself how you worked through the obstacles and achieved your goal at the end. This can be quite uplifting.

7. Become Picky: Be very picky about the type of news you consume (in the media). Too much television or too much depressing news can have negative effect.

8. Break Up Your Goal: Break your goal into simple actionable steps. Do a few easy ones first. Once you can actually see what it will take to get your goal, things will seem far more attainable.

9. Deadline: Set yourself a deadline - share with others that you plan to finish something before a certain day.

10. End Result: Spend some time thinking and listing down all that you will gain by moving ahead on a project - at the same time also list down what you will lose by working on a project. Sometimes just seeing it all paper can work miracles on your mind.

The author, James W Terry, is passionate about helping people reach their goals. James believes that reading Motivation Books is one of the primary ways in which you can stay motivated for all round success. Check out his website for resources on Motivation. On his website, he presents to you some of the most powerful and inspirational Motivational Books ever written.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_W_Terry

Differences Between You and Your Boss

Differences Between You and Your Boss

* When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

* When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

* When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

* When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

* When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

* When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

* When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

* When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

* When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

* When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

http://www.joke-archives.com/

Ways to Live a Fulfilling Life

There are many ways that can make our lives happy and fulfilling. We just sometimes tend to forget about it because we are drawn to our demanding jobs and busy life. Doing something good for others is an essential thing to live a fulfilling life. Happiness may also come from simple things and small packages that, if we only give time to savor these little pleasures, will make our lives better each day.

1. Be optimistic. Have positive thoughts. Get rid of thoughts about failure and hindrances that is not there. Believe in miracles. Believe that anything can be made possible.

2. Learn to be satisfied and contented. Instead of thinking about that extra money you could have earned, learn to appreciate what you have. Stop telling yourself the 'If only...' . Be thankful of what you have.

3. Organize your life. Learn to make time for everything. Give time to important people around you. Have time to work and play.

4. Extend help. Find ways to help in your own ways. Donate to a charity. If you don't have the financial resources, offer your services for free.

5. Be friendly. Be happy. Good friends make you live a fulfilling life too. Be friendly and make lots of friends. The more you have, the happier is your life.

6. Be healthy and fit. Stay healthy. Being happy is also about being healthy. Exercise. Enjoy your favorite sport. Enjoy a morning jog with your spouse or a loved one.

7. Enjoy simple things in life. You don't have to prepare a lavish celebration to enjoy life. Take happiness from the simple things in life. Enjoy walking in the park with your spouse, or your dog. Enjoy gardening, have a movie with the whole family, bring the kids to an amusement park or enjoy dining out together. Treat your spouse or partner to a simple dinner. Have a good laugh.

8. Don't hold grudges. Learn to forgive. The more we think about the mistakes done to us, the more we think of getting even and the more our life will be stuck on the unhappy times of our past. Move on. Do not cling to a bad past.

9. Think about what you want in life. Dream. Instead of constantly thinking about what you don't want in your life, think of the things you like. Think about what you want to achieve. Think of a good life ahead.

10. Smile and you will definitely attract a wonderful world. This simple gesture can always draw positive things around you. Smile to a new neighbor. Give your smile to a person you don't like. You don't need to love him or her. A simple smile can help you forget about your differences.

11. Give a love one a good hug.
Showing and telling the people that you care is indeed one good way to live a fulfilling life.

Carolyn Anderson is a freelance author who also enjoys a lot of hobbies and interests in life. For great ways to attract good things and live a fulfilling life, she recommends The Absolute Secret. She also recommends I Create Reality if you want to discover ways to achieve the things you want in your life.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carolyn_Anderson

Empowering Techniques to Overcome Defeat

Are you facing obstacles in your path? Do you get to feeling defeated when things seem too hard? Many successful people do not know what the word defeat means. Do you listen to all those little nagging voices in your head that tell you can't do something or that you really will never achieve something? Do you tend to think in pessimistic terms when you are faced with a seemingly huge challenge? Or do you think of a challenge as an adventure and look at things in an optimistic way? Do you believe that you can do whatever it takes to achieve something? Well, if you are somewhere in between read on for some ideas on empowering yourself to deal with challenges and work against defeat.

1. Get rid of all the negative thoughts in your head. Be consistent about throwing out the negative thoughts and replace them with a can do attitude and thought. Have you encountered someone who is constantly thinking negative thoughts and sure enough those negative thought patterns become real. Just as true when someone practices positive thought patterns, good things happen. We have the power within us to think positive, develop it.

2. Develop the mindset that you do not believe in defeat. Pretend that there is no such thing. Look at obstacles in life as challenges that you look forward to. Tell yourself that whatever the task or obstacle is you will face it and conquer it. After all you are a successful, worthy person and you believe this.

3. Watch a person you know who is empowered and manages their life on their terms. What traits or values does this person have that you can mimic? It really does work.

4. Instead of looking at a problem as a potential defeat, try looking at it as a question and learning experience. What can you learn by looking at the problem? Can you attempt to make something even better by examining the problem at hand and changing something?

5. Be like a stern parent in your life. Tell yourself that you will not allow self-defeating practices within yourself. Remind yourself that this is not an option.

Practice allowing success to enter into your life. Use a mantra each morning and evening, something like the following;

I will only allow success and positive acts in my life. I do not believe in defeat and see my problems as chances to benefit to move on to an even more perfect life.

Choose to live this mantra and pretty soon you will be empowered to overcome defeat in your life.

Would you like to learn more about becoming empowered? Do you have dreams and desires that you want to achieve? This is my passion, helping women grow. For more tips, click on http://www.thegoddesswoman.com get your free gift, my e-book "The Goddess Woman". Live the magnificent life you deserve!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kat_Smith-Starlove

Turn Procrastination Into Action

How to Turn Procrastination Into Action, or, how to stop putting something off and get it done!

Do you have an item on your "to do" list that has been there for ages and somehow you just never seem to get round to doing it? Is it annoying you that it has been on your action list for so long? Have you been avoiding doing something that you really want to get done?

Follow these easy to use steps to turn your inaction into action.

1. Do you really want to do it?
Before you go any further, take a look at the item you have been avoiding and ask yourself if you really want to do it? If you don't and there will be no negative consequences from not doing it, why not cross it off your list?

If it is something that you think you need to do or should do, do you really need to? Is there another way you can achieve the same objective? For example, you may have "go for a run" on your daily to do list. If you want to get fit and you are repeatedly not going for a run, consider alternatives: take up swimming, go salsa dancing with a friend, buy a space hopper and have fun with your kids. Find what works for you and will help you achieve the same objective.

If it something that you "have" to do, ask yourself if you really have to or if actually you want to. I had been putting off doing the paperwork to renew my driving licence (because I've never been too keen on form filling) and kept telling myself that it was something that I "had" to do. When I realised that I didn't "have" to, but rather I "wanted" to, because I wanted to be able to carry on driving, that subtle shift made it easy for me to get on and do it.

2.What are the benefits of getting this done?
Consider all the reasons for doing this and all the benefits of achieving it. Such is life that sometimes we have to do things that we would prefer not to, in which case the main benefit of doing something maybe so that we can cross it off our "to do" list and not have to think about it every time we look at the list.
Also want to consider what happens if you don't get this done.

3.What is getting in the way of you not doing this?
Is anything stopping you from getting this done? Do you need something, some information, help from someone else or something else in order to get this done? Work out what you need in order to move forward and get it sorted.

4. How will you feel?
How will you feel once you have achieved this? You may be relieved to finally have got it sorted, satisfied with yourself or pleased with a job well done. Imagine how you will feel and hold onto that feeling.

5. Break the task down into the individual steps
Break the task down into the individual steps and take the first smallest step NOW. For example if you have been putting off updating your CV, then dig out the latest copy or set up a new document on your computer. If you need to make a phone call, then look up the number. Take the first step and you will be on your way.

And finally, STOP THINKING and JUST DO IT! and then cross it off your "to do" list with a big flourish).

Copyright 2009 Jo Orgill

Jo Orgill is a life and careers coach who works with women in their 30's and 40's who want to change something in their lives or who have something specific they want to achieve. She assists them to reach their goals. She lives in Mallorca and in recent years has changed most aspects of her life. To read more about Jo and her life coaching, visit http://JoOrgill.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jo_Orgill