Monday, December 13, 2010

The Motivation for Doctoral Study


The Motivation for Doctoral Study
Understanding Why You Want to Do a Ph.D.

Jul 22, 2007 Alistair McCulloch

Doing a PhD is a huge undertaking. Understanding your motivation will help you succeed and also help your supervisor support you. Five motivations are discussed here.

The Importance of Motivation


‘Doing a PhD is unlike anything else you will ever do. You must be sure you want to do one to succeed.’ That’s the advice any admissions tutor worth their salt will give an applicant for a doctoral degree. In your application form and during an interview, they will want to explore an applicant’s motivation for wanting to ‘do a PhD’.

A PhD student’s motivation can stem from a variety of different sources. Understanding your own motivation for doctoral study is important because it will dictate, in part at least, the type of research degree you study for and your likelihood of success. Understanding your motivation will also help your institution (through your supervisor) support and encourage you in the best way.

There are five main sources of motivation for the research student.

If you are doing a PhD which includes a project related to improving your employing organisation’s performance, then it is probable that you will have at least part of your fees paid and that you may be given time in which to study. The motivation here will be to complete a qualification where failure to deliver could have a potentially negative impact on your career because the qualification is tied so closely into your current occupation. Your project will be highly applied and, once started, and unless you change employer half-way through, you will have a very high chance of successful completion.

Skills-Enhancement


A research student whose motivation falls into this category is interested in doctoral study as a way of enhancing their employability. If this is you, you are likely to be as interested in the general skills and broad knowledge that you can pick up along the way as you are in the final qualification and the specific skills you need to complete the doctorate. You want these additional elements that the doctorate can provide as you believe they will make you more attractive to future employers. There is a high chance that you will choose to pursue a professional doctorate.

Career Change

There are a few careers where possession of a doctorate is a pre-requisite. These include university teaching and research scientist. If this is what motivates you, you will want to concentrate on completion of the qualification as quickly as possible and are likely to want to complete a UK-style ‘big-book’ type of thesis. Additional skills training will be valued only as far as it contributes to your planned career path.

Read on

* Improving PhD Completion Rates
* Choosing a Topic for a PhD Thesis
* Where Should I Do a PhD?

Hobby

A student who pursues a PhD in a topic in which they are already interested and about which they want to know more, is likely to be highly focused on that topic, and will specifically seek the skills they need to complete it. If this is you, you may well be relatively indifferent to the requirements of prescribed generic skills programmes, although you may be motivated to attend for the ‘social’ benefits of meeting with other students. This will be particularly true if you have retired from employment.

Self-development

If you are taking a PhD primarily as a means of self-development, then you are likely to be what has been trermed a ‘lifelong learner’. The very act of studying is its own motivator and, given the fact that you have studied successfully at the full range of levels prior to commencing doctoral study, you are likely to complete your PhD. However, given your emphasis on the process as much as the qualification, you must be careful not to run out of time.

Concluding Comment

It is true that studying for a PhD is unlike anything else you will ever do. Anything you can do to enhance your likelihood of success should be welcomed. Understanding your motivation will help you do this and also help you to choose your doctoral subject and the type of PhD for which you study.

Note: This article draws on a Guide to Postgraduate Supervision to be published later in the year by the Society for Research in Higher Education. The Guide focuses on Part-time Students and is written by Alistair McCulloch and Peter Stokes.

Read more at Suite101: The Motivation for Doctoral Study: Understanding Why You Want to Do a Ph.D. http://www.suite101.com/content/the-motivation-for-doctoral-study-a26840#ixzz17zgciX1C

The Body Language of Love


Do you find it hard to determine a man's body language and love? Is his body language giving signs that he is into you? How will you determine if it is already love? Body language and love is a game that is not easy to play. However, to play this game better, there are ways of knowing of a guy really likes you.

Body language and love should not be taken lightly. Most men are shy and don't know how to express their true feelings, leaving a girl like you confused and uncertain. There are times when men say one thing, but their actions say otherwise. There is a way of knowing if a guy is really in to you even if he doesn't say it up front to you. However, body language and love are still two different things. Just read his body language and you will know if he feels something more than just friendship. Here are some of them;

• Lifted shoulders - signifies that the guy finds you attractive and has taken on a more compliant side because he has found someone very exciting. This is like cooing over the latest model of sports car or motorbike. In the dating scene, this body language means that the guy is interested in you and wants to know you better.

• Pigeon toes - this toe in body movement means that the person is very much interested in you and is intimated by this feeling. By trying to make the body smaller, the person is showing that he is not threatening and is very harmless in fact.

• Palm up - when a person who is interested in you faces and talks to you, most likely that person will be talking with his palms up. This shows vulnerability and signifies his willingness to be open to you.

• Forehead bow - a person is very in to you when he uses the forehead bow. This gesture is tilting the head a little forward and looks at you under the eyebrows. The tilting head and the bedroom eyes is an old flirt move used by men ever since.

• Genuine Smile - if a person smiles at you with his eyes, then that smile is genuine and only means that he is very interested in you. Chances are, he will hold your glance a little longer, and sending signals that he wants to know you better.

• Eye Contact - if a person looks at you in the eye, look away and then make glances at you again means that he is trying to catch your attention and is very much interested in you.

• Speak very low - men talking to someone they are interested usually talks in lower tone of voice. This is a way of making their love interest to come closer so that she can hear what he is saying.

• Smoothens his hair and clothes - a person is interested in you if he talks to you and he is smoothing his hair or his clothes. This signifies that he wants to look the best in front of you.

Body language and love is somehow interconnected. However, never rush things, slow it down and make sure that what his body language means is love.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones

Monday, October 11, 2010

How to Survive Our PhD



10% of a PhD is down to brains, 10% luck and 80% is stubbornness and perseverance. Unless you really, really want it, you’re going to have a tricky time.

1. The first thing, and this is really vital, is to make sure you understand the project. You need to be able to explain every single experiment to your mum/10 year old cousin and have them understand you. “Because my supervisor told me to” is not a valid answer in the viva! A great tip for getting to grips with your project is to give regular talks, plus you could try entering writing competitions aimed at PhD students, even if your writing isn’t that great.

2. Read the literature. Don’t leave that massive pile of papers till the week before your viva, as you’ll probably find out that someone else has already done the same thing as you back in 1978. And it will probably have been your examiner who did it. You have to be the world’s expert on your project, even if it is just an obscure earthworm protein that only 3 people have ever heard of.

3. Read around the literature. Keep some perspective on your project and keep in mind why it is important in the big scheme of things. A malaria vaccine is great, but if you don’t know the name of the little buzzy thing that transmits the parasite, then you’ll fail the viva! If you have an opinion on the latest news in your field, you’ll impress your examiners by showing that you care about your subject area outside of the test tube.

4. Have your own ideas. Your boss won’t think of everything and if you’re not correcting/arguing with them by the end of your 3/4 years, you might have problems when your examiners start asking difficult questions. If you read enough papers, you’ll come up with great suggestions for developing your project.

5. Be focused. Your thesis should tell a story – have clear goals in your mind and stick to them. All the proper controls and repeats are far more important than having tried to cure HIV, TB and the common cold all at once. But don’t put all your eggs in one basket – try to use different methods to confirm results and be aware of all the strengths and shortcomings of different techniques.

6. Be critical. If something goes wrong, chances are it was something you did. I demonstrated for an undergraduate cloning practical where the students believed they were cloning a gene into a vector, when in actual fact we had given them uncut plasmid and water in all the reagent tubes. Yet 20% still got no colonies on their transformation plates and blamed it on the ligase. Be 100% sure it wasn’t your fault before you claim to have disproved DNA and always look for alternative explanations.

7.Talk to others. Force your boss have regular meetings to discuss the overall direction of your work but rely on other lab members and fellow PhD students for day to day support. Not only does this mean there is always someone to sit with you in the disabled toilet while you while you cry over another failed Northern blot, but they might also be able to help with a new technique or come up with some vital control that you’ve missed.

8. Be organised. Write to-do lists and tick them off as you go along. Always write up your lab book every night (not at the end of the week), whether your experiments have worked or not. If you one day decide to sell your soul to industry, you will be forced to keep lab books in such excruciating detail that you will horrified if you haven’t got into the habit of recording everything. When you begin, start a freezer stock, primer and clone recording system and stick to it. Treat every gel as if it is a world-changing result and take its photo. Because if things don’t work out to plan, you’re going to end up writing up using those failed gels to illustrate your thesis.

9. Know when to stop. You’re boss will probably let you slog away for an extra year with no money if you give him the chance. You don’t have to do everything – one of the aims of a PhD is to turn you into an independent researcher, so have a look at the work of post-docs in your lab and use them as a gauge of how well you are doing. Remember to bear in mind that most people run over 3 years and you will have to be pretty lucky to have done enough within the scheduled time. A rough estimate is that you’ll need to work twice as hard as the post-docs in your lab for at least 3 years to be able to breeze through that viva!

10. Don’t expect too much. Everyone says this, and every PhD student refuses to believe them, but you really don’t need amazing results to pass (at least not in the UK were you can get through the viva without any positive results at all)! There isn’t any magic secret that you’re told at the end of your viva that makes every experiment from then on work perfectly. Examiners will understand that sometimes proteins just really want to turn themselves into an insoluble mess and refuse to be refolded. So long as you have done everything in a logical order and thoroughly explored each failed experiment, then you’ll be fine.

Source: http://sciencemole.wordpress.com/

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Staying Positive in Trying Times



ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE....by Adrianne Morris

How to maintain a positive attitude in troubled times.

The fact that these are depressing times does not mean that we have to feel depressed. This is important, as maintaining a positive attitude is a fundamental part of protecting personal relationships which are never more at risk than during difficult times. It's an old saying but true that when money goes out of the door, love goes out the window. Translate that in work terms to when the cash flow is in short supply, everyone and everything gets looked at with a magnifying glass.

What steps can we take to protect those all-important relationships, both at home and at work?

1.Recognise that times have changed and that we have to adapt to new circumstances and values. It may be that things will NEVER be the same again.

2. 20-20 hindsight is easy; forecasting the future correctly is not. Don't blame and beat up on yourself for getting things wrong: be forgiving of yourself, and, of course, your significant others, and accept that you (and they) have almost certainly done the best you can under the circumstances.

3. Instead of looking for what is wrong with others, look at what is right: it is so easy to find fault, but so much more rewarding and motivating to recognize and appreciate the good things other do, and equally important, to complement them for it. Everyone needs the following three things in their life: appreciation, affection and attention. Give those to your nearest and dearest and reap the results.

4. One negative individual can poison an entire family or team. Change the current from negative to positive: the smallest gestures can begin to defrost a cold, resentful relationship. Guru Max Kirsten says: "we have been conditioned into appreciating only the grand expensive gesture, but small acts of kindness can mean more." Practic random acts of kindness - it makes you feel so good about yourself, let alone what it does for the recipient.

5. Appreciate what you have rather than thinking about what you cannot get, if only at this time. This includes not only tangible things like money, a house, jewellery and other possessions, but intangibles such as health, family, friendships and respect. Accept that it is no disgrace to downgrade, if only as a temporary measure. It is better to be resilient and adaptable than to try to maintain an untenable status quo. Since everyone is doing it, it is far less painful and totally acceptable right now: frugality is the new buzzword.

6. Accept responsibility for what is wrong in your life rather than blaming others:
list the resentments that you carry around in that suitcase which goes wherever you go - and then think of what you have contributed to each of them. Then let them go - empty the suitcase and pack it away. You will feel so much lighter when you're not carrying that burden on your back.

7. Move out of the "I" mode and into "We". Instead of focusing on what you do for others, appreciate what others contribute to your life, and then see how, together, you are greater than the sum of your parts. Share your worries, dreams and plans - again it releases the pressure valve in you when you hear your thoughts in words and often they seem so much less dramatic than when they run around in your head.

8. You don't have to accept everything your partner/boss/employee says, but try accept their right to say it and to understand his/her experience. Again be less judgmental with people and aware that we are all flawed individuals. Once you accept this, your expectations will be lowered and you will be disappointed less often when people don't come up with what you were hoping for.

9. Stop comparing yourself or family members/co-workers with others: nothing hurts more than feeling or being told that someone else "does it better." That "someone else" is probably being told the same thing about you! Comparing is absolutely the worst thing you can ever do for your self-esteem. You are unique and special and different from everyone else.

10. What you think and what you feel matter, but what you do is what really counts. So perform positive, generous acts. Project enthusiasm, not pessimism: In fact, research has shown that maintaining a smile on one's face can actually make those around us feel happier. The converse is even more true: it is so easy to bring others down and make them soak up your anxiety and negativity. Nowhere is this more evident than in today's media - yes there is doom and gloom but spreading it doesn't help anyone.

So, why not think about what is good in your life; the job you still have, the family who love you, the co-workers who respect you, the friends who admire you, the good health that you enjoy, the beauty of nature, and the fact that spring follows winter as surely as day follows night.

For more help with seeing the sunny side of life contact Adrianne Morris, Success Coach on 07956 514714 To see Adrianne Morris's blog go to http://www.alplifecoach.com

http://ezinearticles.com/?Positive-Mental-Attitude---10-Top-Tips-For-Staying-Positive-in--Trying-Times&id=2519500

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Keep Laziness Away


How to Keep Laziness Away?

Our behavior is a puppet of our brain. No doubt the brain is rightly located at the topmost position in our body. Psychology of the mind elevates any illness more than its actual clinical indications. Laziness is also an illness of mind and needs to be tackled with strong will power.

By Jamila Joshi message icon | Friday, May 14, 2010

"Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little, falls into lazy habits of thinking" - Albert Einstein

Lack of mind control for laziness can destroy your dreams of achieving your goals. To get rid of laziness is not an easy job but at the same time not impossible as well. There are ways wherein one can program the mind in such a way that there is no space left for laziness.

1. Avoiding addiction
Get addicted to better and constructive habits than laziness. Once you swallow the bait, you have to pay for it. Be prepared to act immediately when you get a slight sensation of laziness.

2. Think of the outcome than the difficulties
Achieving a given task is not is not a cake-walk. The bug of laziness further makes it tougher. Think of the moment when your task will be achieved, applauds and appreciations that would follow then. This dream is achievable only if you overcome laziness. So think of the final outcome rather than the problems, because focusing on the problems would stimulate laziness.

3. Too much load at a time will take you nowhere
Organize your daily routine to get rid of laziness. Set your daily tasks from morning to evening in splits to keep your brain active and keep a time span for some relaxation as well. Focused work will pay more than running after too many things at a time.

4. Develop a positive attitude
If you add too many negative thoughts, laziness will be your guest. So avoid words like 'I can't', 'I won't', 'I don't' etc.

5. Make your tasks more interesting than monotonous
Repetitive tasks lead to boredom and we tend to lazy around to avoid completing the assigned jobs. Here is where creativity comes into picture. Doing things differently every time is the solution. Example: Cooking if done monotonously can get boring and can be an invitation to laziness. If you feel lazy to cook, think how you could make it interesting. One way is to create a restaurant kind ambience in the dining room, by scattering some flower petals or lighting candles on the table and picking up a different menu to cook as a change from the routine.

6. Look around for something interesting

After long hours of work, a break is essential. There are many things around us which can refresh our mind in no time. What we need is the vision to identify these things. Pick up the newspaper and glance through the pages, solve a puzzle which can be refreshing to your mind and motivate you to switch back to your work without feeling lazy.

7. Quality sleep is a must
A sound sleep evacuates unwanted thoughts from the mind. Mental tiredness can lead to laziness. So it is essential to refresh ownself with a good quality sleep.

8. Exercise, a source of fresh air
Exercising early morning, preferably in open air would not leave any space for laziness. Exercise replenishes the lost energy and freshness of mind.

9. Look forward to meet successful personalities, not failures

Success cannot be achieved in an easy way. This fact would sound convincing only when you hear the experiences of successful personalities. Laziness is the root cause of failures, so don't keep failures in your vicinity.

The above tips to avoid laziness can be successfully accomplished only on regularly carrying out the activities and maintaining positive attitude towards the tasks assigned. Once you are into the habit of overcoming laziness then it just cannot come in your way.

Source : http://www.articleswave.com/fitness-articles/how-to-get-rid-of-laziness.html

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Charming People With Your Charisma



Charisma is essentially intangible. In spite of this, you will always know when you are in the presence of a charismatic person, because they have the ability to engage your attention in a way that someone without that personality trait would struggle to do. Charisma, like charm, is indefinable but you know when you've experienced it in action: you come away from an encounter knowing you've been with someone extraordinary and special. In essence, they make you feel that you're the most important person in the room. Compare and contrast that with so many people you meet who seem to be looking over your shoulder to see if they're missing something on the other side of the room or if there's someone more important to talk to.

I want to quote from an article in respect of the actor Will Smith which I came across while on a recent trip to the USA:

"Spend seven seconds sitting across from Will Smith, and you'll discover why he is a superstar. He's charming and attentive, observant and clever - without ever seeming to try. When he talks, he makes eye contact; when he laughs, it takes over his entire body. Though he seems happy-go-lucky, he didn't end up where he is by accident - Smith is consistently in charge, on point and thinking ahead."

Not everyone is fortunate enough to be born charismatic, but with a bit of effort, you can develop it to a significant degree. Here are 10 tips to help you do so.

1. The overwhelmingly large part of communication is non-verbal. Often your body language says more than your words. Research has shown that only 7% of understanding comes from the listening part of a conversation. It is therefore absolutely essential to show positive body language. Your posture is so important - individuals who slouch or hunch their shoulders convey negative messages. Smile and look people in the eye when communicating. Nod frequently to show that you are listening and try to allow them time to finish their sentences before jumping in with what you want to say.

2. Develop your communication skills - speak and write with flair. Speaking confidently is not a gift possessed by all but can be developed by all. Tone, cadence, use of pauses, speed of speech; emphasizing certain words - sometimes repeating key words; lack of 'uhs' and 'ums' and 'you know' and avoidance of jargon; varying the number of words in successive sentences; and, not least, vocabulary - all these contribute to your style of speech, and many to your particular style of writing. Think about Barack Obama compared to John McCain. A neat handwriting can be achieved by practice and says so much about you as a person. Challenge yourself to download dictionary.com and learn a new word every day and try to use it.

3. Develop an individual style of 'being' - in what you wear, how you conduct yourself etc. This helps to establish your 'presence factor, the impact you make on people you meet, the first impression you create. It requires being particular about everything you do, whether its ordering a particular type of tea (say Assam or Earl Grey) or coffee (double espresso macchiato rather than instant with milk), your favourite tipple (Balvenie double wood single malt rather than 'whisky'.) It means you dress with flair and style, not necessarily flash but always neat, shoes polished, hair styled, nails cleaned. For women wearing striking costume jewellery, for men an eye-catching tie, will have people remembering you.

4. Charismatic people convey the message that they are 'authentic' - authentic people are more likely to be trusted. Authentic people have the courage of their convictions. To be authentic, always follow through on your promises/actions - walk the talk, don't just talk the talk. Follow-up contacts, if promised, the very next day and think of who you know who might be a useful contact for people you've just met. Always deliver more than you promise - never disappoint. Believe in your cause - believe in yourself.

5. Make everyone you meet feel important. Be generous with praise without being sycophantic. Be warm but be genuine. Engage with people, find a point of rapport with each and every person - make people feel good about themselves and good about you. Pick up on an accent or notice a piece of jewellery and ask a question about it - it will break the ice when you're both a little inhibited or nervous.

6. Sense of humour is key - but never at anyone else's expense. Convey an image of loving life, of being fun to be with, of being playful. Above all don't take yourself or life too seriously - life may be depressing, but it doesn't mean you have to be depressed! Don't tell jokes unless you feel very confident about your delivery and remember the punchline!

7. Be master of your domain: prepare your subject thoroughly - develop your expertise, skills and knowledge. Work to eliminate areas of weakness. Leave nothing to chance. If possible, before a meeting or event, try to find out the guestlist, see if there's anyone you know or would like to know. Find out a little about them and impress the hell out of them when you meet them and ask about one of their favourite interests or recent achievements.

8. Passion: being passionate requires that you be enthusiastic, spontaneous, challenging and energetic. It is what excites you and gets your adrenalin flowing. One thing that draws a crowd and makes someone the centre of attention is a person who exhibits that kind of passion.

9. Persistence: charismatic people do not take no for an answer. Like the legendary Pacman, if they cannot get round an obstacle, they go over, under or even through it. Giving up is not an option. Finding the 'tipping point' is: looking for the often small 'tweak' that will take you across the threshold. Being persistent will impress the person who is being difficult or evasive.

10. Most of all, have the courage of your convictions: be prepared to take intelligent and considered risks (within reason) to get where you want to be. Be prepared sometimes to step into the unknown - feel the fear about finding the extended you, but do it anyway. Changing your life can be so much fun, and can be so exhilarating and worthwhile!

Challenge yourself to significantly raise your charisma chart!

Adrianne Morris, is a Success Coach helping individuals and small business grow exponentially. For more articles by Adrianne see the website: http://alplifecoach.com or call Adrianne for a "coffee" over the phone to see how she can help you to being a charming, charismatic character: 07956 514714

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Adrianne_Morris


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Stop feeling guilty



Guilt is just a destructive emotion that is all about suffering and feeling bad. We all make mistakes. There isn't a person alive that hasn't hurt someone, whether intentionally or not. We all make mistakes and our mistakes affect others. Feeling guilty forever for those mistakes does not help them or us. If you need to right a wrong to let go of the guilt, do it.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty:

1) If you actually did something wrong (according to your own belief system, right the wrong and then let it go. When you feel guilty, you can clean up your mistake by saying: "I feel terrible about what I've done to you. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I am sorry I hurt you. The reason I did what I did is __________. What can I do to make it up to you and earn your trust again?" If the other person won't cooperate, ask them what you need to do, and if they won't accept anything, let it go.

2) Realize that no one is perfect and ask others about their issues and listen to their answers and imperfections.

3) If you made a mistake, learn your lesson and move on. If there really is no lesson to be learned, realize that and talk yourself out of the guilt by reminding yourself to forget the "shoulds" because you would probably do it the same way if you had it to do over again.

4) Ask yourself where the guilt is coming from. Then ask yourself if that is a person you want to be like (because you are following their values). Then ask yourself if that person is perfect? Of course the answer is no, so make a list of all of their imperfections. Then decide he or she does not have a right to judge you and let it go. If this person insists on making you feel guilty, use some of the points on the list to remind that person that he is a hypocrite.

5) Don't "should" on yourself. If the guilt is coming from you, then you have unrealistic expectations of yourself. But most unrealistic expectations come from our parents and other authorities who remind us that we are imperfect. Don't take on their bad view of you or their belief system about the world. Evaluate yourself by your own standards, and stop using the word "should."

6) Don't get sucked in when someone tries to guilt-trip you. "I know I'm not that important to you." "Should you have another drink?" "Isn't that too expensive for you?" "Don't you think you should go home now?" Don't answer the question or you are becoming sucked in.

Instead, state a firm boundary like, "Mother, like I said, I can't talk now, but I'll call you when I get home from work." Or, "I'll decide: when to go home, whether to have another drink, what is and isn't too expensive." Then don't keep talking or they know they got you.

7) Don't make guilt-ridden negative statements to yourself, i.e. "How could I be so stupid?!" "If only I would have been smart enough to(whatever)." "I sure screwed that one up!" "I can't believe I did that!" Instead, say positive statements to yourself. "That may have been a mistake, but I learned my lesson." "It's surprising that I misinterpreted that because I'm usually right on target."

If needed, quietly remind yourself of all of your other good traits and how great you are in other areas.

We have to demand that others accept us as we are. We can't let anyone lay his or her value judgments on us. We can't let others play God with us. And in return, we can't play God with them. Stop asking yourself, "What will people think?" Those "shoulds" keep you from enjoying your life. Those "shoulds" cause resentment, create guilt, and put responsibility where it doesn't belong. What have the "shoulds" done to you?

When we were small children, we trusted our thoughts and feelings. We knew when we felt angry or sad, and we expressed these feelings naturally without thinking about whether we should or shouldn't. Then we were told by our parents and others in society, "You shouldn't feel that way," "What do you mean you don't love your mother?," "Don't you talk to your brother like that!"

We learned to trust our parents' moral dictates: you should respect authority, you should obey your husband, you should always be polite to others. We often trust theirs more than our own.

Stop living your life the way others' want you to. Stop feeling guilty because you're not perfect, when neither are they. Live your life according to your own values and beliefs and no one else's.


About the Author


Carolyn Bushong, a Denver therapist, helps couples & singles: in her office, on-line, by phone. Author of: Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes. Has appeared on Oprah. 303-333-1888 http://www.carolynsays.com.