Thursday, July 30, 2009

Feel Great About Yourself.

Here are my top 10 tips for you to feel great about yourself.

1. Be nice to yourself!
Stop giving yourself a hard time and start appreciating "you" as a unique individual. Never compare yourself to others as this is a thankless task and you are a truly unique individual. Sure, many people have similarities but no-one is exactly the same as any other being on the planet. Ask your friends and family to list a few things that they love about you and then what they see as your weaknesses. You might be very pleasantly surprised or even astonished when they name things that would never have occurred to you!

2. Treat yourself as your own best friend. You would never talk to your best friend the way that you talk to yourself, for example, "I'm so stupid! How could I have said/done what I just did? Why am I always doing such silly things" - so why talk to yourself that way? We all do it to a certain extent but try to become aware of when you're talking to yourself like this and stop it in its tracks. Yes, you may have made a mistake but you're human, aren't you? It's ok to make mistakes, the clever thing is to think then about what you could have done differently and remember that next time you're in a similar situation.

3. Set yourself some small goals and take baby steps to achieve them.
Think about how you would like things to be in each area of your life, for example, romantic relationship, work, finances, personal development, hobbies and recreations, physical health and wellbeing, spiritual growth. Identify one thing at a time and focus on that. Don't set yourself up for failure, though, by taking on too much at any one time. Take your time on each goal and move at a steady pace towards it. Set yourself small targets but ones that will require some effort from you.

4. Try new skills - anything from being more assertive to learning to dance the tango!. Challenge yourself and see what works for you and what doesn't. Don't forget that if you join a class or group learning a new skill, everyone will be focussing on themselves and not looking at you! Celebrate your success as you make progress, again setting yourself small goals and revising them as you achieve each one. Write yourself a Wish List - have 3 separate columns for "things I want to do" "things I want to be" and "things I want t have". Look for what you're doing RIGHT, not for what you're doing WRONG.

5. Write a list of your past achievements. Things like passing your driving test or writing a thesis for your degree course, or even much more basic, being able to successfully make and serve up a three course meal - to get the timing right on that is no mean feat! When you've made a list, leaving plenty of space after each item, list the skills and characteristics it took for you to complete them: for example, making that meal: it took planning, management, resourcefulness, great attention to detail - all useful skills for many other things in life. Keep this list somewhere you can look at it often to remind yourself that you are actually a very unique and skilled individual. The point of this exercise is to acknowledge your own strengths.

6. Have a look at your limiting beliefs - things you've always told yourself you're no good at, for example "I'm hopeless at maths" "I never win anything" "no-one can ever love me". Ask yourself what is that based on? What evidence has there been in your life to support this assumpotion or belief? Try to get to the origin of that thought - did someone tell you as a child that you're no good at maths? Look at the reality of that belief - is it true that you never win anything - ever, ever? Or just that you don't win things regularly or the things you want. Get REAL!

7. Givers gain
- do some charitable work, help out at fund-raisers, become a mentor to someone who is learning something that comes naturally to you - it will give you a great feeling of belonging to a group, as well as personal satisfaction - it is so rewarding to do things for others. Try it, you might become addicted! We often don't appreciate that just because we find something easy, others struggle with that same job.

8. Do more of the things you love doing - see no. 4! This summer there are loads of free event based around the South Bank in London, for example. Look at your local paper or library for things going on near where you live.

9. Don't take people for granted - tell your nearest and dearest how much you appreciate them and what a difference they make to your life. We all want to be appreciated because it means people are giving us attention and that in turn will make you feel good about yourself. Be more vocal - don't think just because you "know" how you feel about someone, that they know for sure how you feel - tell them! How does it make you feel when someone gives you a compliment? So, imagine how the people you pay compliments to will feel in return towards you.

10. Get to know yourself inside out - what's important to you (your values) and live according to those values - the things you must have in your life that make you happy. When you live honouring those values, you will feel much more contented with yourself.

Be passionate about life and people will be passionate about you!

Adrianne Morris, a Success Coach, has more articles like this on her website and works with individuals to build their self-esteem and confidence in a relaxed and friendly way. Look at or call Adrianne on 07956 514714 for a "coffee" over the phone and a free chat about how she can help you.

Article Source:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

It's Okay to Be Sad

Most people are astonished to learn this simple fact, but it's one of the best pieces of advice I have to pass on: It's okay to be sad...or angry, or scared, or frustrated, or even bored. Usually when we feel any negative emotion we do our best to get rid of it or push it away. But trying not to feel something often makes you feel it even more intensely - kind of like when you try not to think about pink elephants. The more you tell yourself that you are not going to think about pink elephants, that pink elephants are not going to pop into your head the more you are going to think about pink elephants.

So, here's a quick list of ways that you can learn to accept feelings as they come and go:

1) Remember that you don't have to be positive all of the time. Life is full of unexpected turns and unwelcome changes. Over and over again people come to visit me and tell me that they are not coping well with some new turn of events. This was especially true when I was working with cancer patients who had many well intentioned friends and family members who would tell them such things as they would lose their battle with cancer if they did not stay positive! This is despite the fact that there is no evidence that staying positive during cancer changes the likelihood that you will survive. Coping strategies and therapy can help a great deal with the emotional suffering and fear you experience when you have cancer, but several studies have shown that improved coping does not necessarily extend your life. So, go ahead and let yourself feel what you are feeling.

2) Putting on a brave face is exhausting. Trying to pretend that you are not feeling scared or sad when you are drains you of energy. While it is okay to take a break from your worries and visit with a friend who cheers you up or go to a movie always trying to put aside your feelings is a lot of work. So, relax and let yourself feel sad.

3) You will stop crying eventually. Many people also worry that once they start crying they will never stop. This is rarely the case and there is evidence that having a good cry can make you feel better by producing endorphins, clearing stress hormones out of your body through the tears and releasing emotional tension. You may have a bit of a headache after a good cry (because of changes in intracranial pressure) but for the most part you will feel better. If you truly can't stop crying, or are crying most of the day, that's a different kind of problem (e.g., could be depression or even a physical problem like thyroid disease, hormonal imbalance or low iron) and you should go see your doctor for a complete evaluation and learn coping strategies that can help when you are experiencing ups and downs do to a medical condition.

4) There is no such thing as a negative emotion.
It's really too bad that we often see "negative" emotions as the enemy. In fact, I don't really think of any feeling as negative. Emotions are really information about whether things are going well or if we need to be making some course corrections. If I'm happy and relaxed, I know things are going well and I can proceed as planned. However, if I'm angry or anxious, that tells me that I need to make some changes either by challenging my thoughts or doing things differently. The bottom line is feelings are incredibly useful and I wouldn't give them up for anything - even the so-called negative ones. Anger let's you know when you are being taken advantage of (like when you receive a backhanded complement from a co-worker) and fear keeps you from walking down unsafe dark alleys and even burnout lets you know when you've have been doing too much and not taking care of yourself. Listening to your feelings can help you make smart decisions and using them as guides will help you live in a healthy and balanced way.

5) This too shall pass. We often forget that that emotions are not forever. Sometimes when I work with people who are depressed I get them to keep a log of how depressed they felt during the day or over the course of a week. Without fail, they are always surprised to see how variable their feelings are - in the morning their depression may have been 8/10, at lunch with a co-worker 3/10, at dinner 4/10 and 6/10 at bedtime. This is true for all of us, even when we are going through something really difficult like a death or a divorce. Remembering that, like a flu or a cold, your negative feelings are not forever - that they too shall pass - is surprisingly helpful.

Embracing all of your feelings, good or bad, can help you ride the ups and downs of life and help you move through obstacles with grace and ease. It does take some practice, but with a little patience and compassion for yourself, it is definitely worth the effort.

Article Source:

Monday, July 27, 2009

My Pleasant Getaway

Working hard during the year can take its toll on our health and it is important that we take a break once in a while. Getting away from it all would benefit both our physical and mental well being. It is vital to break the monotony of our lives, even for a short time and clear our minds of the stress and hassle of our working lives. We need a little time and space for ourselves to enable us to re organized and think deeply on any issues related to our daily lives, career and also our future. Taking a break could also trigger your inspirations for some new ideas.

When I was given a task to conduct a class in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, I was excited and extremely overjoyed as this would be my first exploration to this part of my own country! It would give me a great opportunity to experience a different kind of surrounding and learning more about our nation's unique cultural diversity. Sometimes, we do need a a kind of "getaway" as a break from all those everyday routines. It could actually gives you some space to re energized your self motivation and freshen up your minds from all kinds of confusion and sometimes, merely illusions!

Kota Kinabalu is the capital of Sabah, a Malaysian state located on the northern portion of the island of Borneo. Sabah is the second largest state in Malaysia after Sarawak, which it borders on its south-west. It also shares a border with the province of East Kalimantan of Indonesia in the south. In spite of its status as a Malaysian state, Sabah remains a disputed territory; the Philippines has a dormant claim over much of tahe eastern part of the territory.

Kota Kinabalu, formerly known as Jesselton, is located on the west coast of “the Land Below the Wind”, under the watchful eye of majestic Mount Kinabalu, and on the fringes of the South China Sea, Kota Kinabalu is the bustling and colourful gateway to Sabah. Here you find the international airport, world class hotels, innumerable restaurants and cafĂ© shops, shopping malls and business districts. We call our fast developing and modern city with some 350,000 inhabitants simply and affectionately KK!

The state capital has many places of interest. It is a city popular with foreigners and locals alike, and the Tunku Abdul Rahman Park, adjacent to the city is one of the top tourist destination, perfect for relaxing, snorkelling and a wide variety of watersports. Other places of interest include the Signal Hill Observatory, offering a bird’s view of the city; the Sabah Foundation Building - a unique 30-storey building (it is a circular structure supported by high tensile steel rods, an architectural and engineering marvel, and there are only four such buildings in the world; it is Sabah’s highest tower); the State Mosque, resplendent with its majestic domes and golden motifs is the central place of worship for KK's Muslim population; the new Likas Mosque, the largest in the state; and the Likas Bird Sanctuary.

Major shopping malls are located along the main artery of Kota Kinabalu, and you find just about anything from branded goods to local handicraft. Recreational activities in KK include diving, a mere 15 minutes from the city in the crystal clear waters of the Tunku Abdul Rahman Park! The ferries to the park leave from KK’s harbour district at the northern end of the City.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Most Powerful 'Three Word Phrases'

The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship. These are just three little but very powerful words.

I'll Be There
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase ?I?ll be there.? Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I Miss You
Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply & sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

I Respect You / I Trust You
Respect and trust is another way of showing love. It conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships

Maybe you're Right

This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting maybe "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

Please Forgive Me

Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I Thank You

Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

Count On Me
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can count on me."

Let Me Help
The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I Understand You
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.

Go For It
We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."

I Love You
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words "I love you."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Strength of a Man and Beauty of a Woman

Strength of a Man

The strength of a man isn't seen in the width of his shoulders.
It is seen in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has.
It is how good a buddy he is with his kids.

The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work.
It is in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits.
It is in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn't how many women he's loved by.
It is in can he be true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift.
It is in the burdens he can understand and overcome.

Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows,
The beauty of a woman with passing years-only grows.

Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Moments of Inspiration

Every now and then you will have a moment of inspiration caused by various things. It could be from reading a book, watching a movie, or even from listening to a song. When these rare moments happen, what you decide to do with it can literally change your life.

Have you ever had one of these moments happen where you got inspired, maybe smiled a bit, thought about doing things to make some difference in your life, but in the end, you ended up doing absolutely nothing? This happens a lot so most of us don't give it a second thought whenever we experience something inspirational. On the other hand, some people do take in that moment and actually do something about it, but normally, they don't stick to it long enough to make any real impact. So how can you best take advantage of these "moments of inspiration?" You do that by refueling your drive.

It's the same with anything that was started by an idea. One day you step on a scale and find that you're getting a bit on the heavy side and decide to go on a diet. One month later, you end up quitting because you no longer have that drive. The key to staying motivated long enough is to re-inspire yourself over and over. It's easy to forget why we set out to do what we're doing in the first place when we're in the middle of challenges and setbacks. This is the main reason why people fail to achieve their dreams. They forget the reason and therefore, lose the drive.

If you want to increase your chances of succeeding in obtaining whatever goal you want, you need to constantly re-inspire and re-motivate yourself. The way you do that is by going back to the source that got you wanting to make the first step in the first place. If it's a song your heard, then listen to the song again. If it's a video you saw, then watch the video again. If it was because you step on the scale and saw the painful truth, then step back on that scale.

This is just part of the equation. The other part involves having the right strategy but even with the right strategy, if you don't have the motivation to keep pressing on, then you will end up quitting. So whatever it is that you find inspirational or motivational, revisit those things frequently. By doing this, you will keep your will power high and your determination strong.

Article Source:

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Thinking Outside The Box

When innovators talk about thinking outside the box, they mean coming up with creative ways to solve problems - new ways to look at things. How do they do it? How can you do it too? We first have to ask what the "box" is. Then we can look at how to get outside of it.

The "box" is the normal way of doing things and looking at things. It is the assumptions that almost everyone involved is making. The best way to start thinking out of the box then, is to identify and challenge all the assumptions that make up thinking inside the box.

One of the major liquor brands was faltering years ago, and they couldn't seem to boost their sales. Promotions, lowering the price, getting better shelf placement - these were the "in the box" solutions. Then someone challenged the assumptions, by asking "What if we stopped the promotions and just raised the price?"

The price was raised as an experiment, and sales soon doubled. As it turns out, some types of liquor are bought quite often as gifts. Buyers don't want to buy the most expensive one, but they also don't want to seem cheap, so they won't buy products that don't cost enough. Now imagine what happens to your profit margins when you raise the price and double the sales. That's the power of thinking outside of the box.

Ways To Get Outside The Box

Challenging assumptions is a powerful creative problem solving technique. The difficult part is to identify the assumptions. If you are designing a new motorcycle, write down assumptions like "speed matters," "it has to run on gas" and "it needs two wheels," not because you expect to prove these wrong, but because challenging these can lead to creative possibilities. Maybe the time has come for an electric three-wheeled motorcycle.

Another way to get to creative solutions is to "assume the absurd." This is either fun or annoying, depending on how open-minded you can be. All you do is start making absurd assumptions, then finding ways to make sense of them. The easiest way to do it is by asking "what if."

What if a carpet cleaning business was better off with half as many customers? It seems absurd, but work with it. Hmm...less stressful, perhaps. More profitable if each customer was worth three times as much. Is that possible? Commercial jobs that involve large easy-to-clean spaces (theaters, offices, convention halls) make more money in a day than houses, with fewer headaches. Focusing on getting those accounts could be the most profitable way to go - not so absurd.

Another way to more innovative ideas is to literally do your thinking out of the box. Get out of the house or the office. Look around at how others are doing things. On busses in Ecuador, salesmen put a product into everyones hands and let them hold it while they do a sales pitch. Then you have to give back "your" product or pay for it. It is very effective. How could you use the principle in your business?

Steve Gillman has been studying brainpower and related topics for years. For more creative problem solving techniques, and to subscribe to the Brain Power Newsletter, visit:

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Note : Today, 18th of July marks my 25th year of service as a lecturer in Universiti Teknologi Malaysia......How time flies! It's my Silver Jubilee! ;-)

Friday, July 17, 2009

Installing Love

Customer Service Rep: Can you install LOVE?

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART, ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running, ma'am?

Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. it means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE?"

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITICIZE.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Wow! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now, and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people, and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

CS Rep: You're very welcome.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Job Interview

Date : 14th July, 2009
Time : 9.00am - 1.00pm
Venue: Bestari 1, Block D05, FPPSM
Post : Tutor


1. Dr. Norhani Bakri
(Acting Deputy Dean (Post Graduates/Research & Publications) cum Head of Department (Graduate Studies)

2. Dr. Hashim Fauzy Yaacob
(Head, Department of Human Resource Development)

3. Dr. Hamdan Abd Kadir
(Head of Panel For Counselling)

4. Dr. Ishak Mad Shah
(Head of Programme For Bachelor of Psychology (Industrial & Organizational Psychology))

5. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Esa Khalid
(Head of Panel for International Relations)

6. Assoc. Prof. Dr. Rozeyta Omar
(Senior Lecturer)